The Christmas Episode, Shaneener Remix
by Shaneener
Summary: Filled with Jam, booze, and pop culture references, this episode is sure to delight the Scrooge in you! UPDATE: I finished! Review, please!
1. Chapter 1

As a big Office fan, I am very disappointed that the Office will not air thier Christmas episode.

So, I wrote my own.

Here it is, in all it's glory. I'm taking a break from the holiday hubbub at my casa to post this. Hope you all enjoy, and happy holidays!

On a final note, anything said here is not meant to offend anyone. I also do not own The Office or anything related to it. If I did, I would force Jim to come to work everyday without a shirt. Yummy.

* * *

_(MICHAEL is sitting in his office wearing a Santa hat.)_

TH MICHAEL: It's Christmastime again, and we here at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton are ready to get our party on. We have my lovely Jan's cooking to look forward to, and a party hosted by the Party Planning Committee, we've got Secret Santa again, and… _(MICHAEL holds up a package of vodka_) booze! What a great way to celebrate the birth of Santa Clause. _(Beat as MICHAEL listens to something the camera man said.)_ Wait, what?

_(OPENING CREDITS)_

_( SCENE: Some of THE EMPLOYEES are wrapping gifts, others working, and others chatting. JIM, after clicking out of his word document, goes over to PAM, who is sitting at reception.)_

JIM: _(Taking a jellybean.)_ What're you doing?

PAM: I am changing the office's outgoing message. Michael has given me a choice this year.

JIM: Oh, really? And what is that choice?

PAM: I can either say we're celebrating a "Christmas Balooza-fest" or a "Holiday Ho-Down".

JIM: Hmm… Well, Beasley, I am partial to the Christmas Balooza-fest because Ho-Down doesn't really even begin to describe how I feel about these parties. Balooza-fest just sums up all my feelings for these parties and more.

PAM: Plus, Balooza-fest just rolls off the tongue.

JIM: True, very true.

PAM: So, Christmas Balooza-fest? _(JIM nods. __PAM presses a few buttons on the phone.)_ You've reached the office of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton. Right now, our office is celebrating our Christmas Balooza-fest, so please leave a message. Or, if you know your party's extension, please enter it after the beep. Thank you. _(PAM presses another button, and turns to JIM.)_

JIM: Oscar-worthy. Really. _(PAM and JIM laugh softly.)_

PAM: _(Sticks out her tongue.)_ Ha, ha.

_(SCENE: Accounting. OSCAR leans over to KEVIN.)_

OSCAR: So, who'd you get?

KEVIN: Meredith. You?

OSCAR: I got—

ANGELA: _(very angry)_ Both of you, shut up. You are ruining Christmas.

OSCAR: God, Angela, give it a break.

ANGELA: No! I will not have you two ruining Secret Santa for everyone. Just because you have turned your back to God, Oscar, doesn't mean you can ruin Jesus' birthday for everyone else.

OSCAR: Actually, Angela, I'm catholic.

ANGELA: _(beat)_ That explains so much.

_(CUT TO: TH Phyllis)_

PHYLLIS: Well, this Christmas, Bob Vance and I are going to visit Mary Vance and Bill Vance, his parents, along with his brother Earl Vance and his wife Kathleen Vance. I'll also see my little nephew again, Earl Vance Jr. Then, we'll head to Vermont to see his grandparents, George Vance and Sheryl Vance. It'll be Va-- great.

_(CUT TO: TH OSCAR)_

OSCAR: Gil and I are going upstate to visit his grandparents. I don't really want to go, seeing how I always have to wear a dress and put on a wig. _(Beat.)_ Gil said he didn't want to kill his grandparents by telling them he was dating a Hispanic who was also a man.

_(COMMERCIAL BREAK.)_

* * *

There is the first part to my holiday episode.

To come: More booze, Toby killing Christmas, and Icky Thump!

Reviews, especially constructive criticism, are greatly appreciated. I love to know when people are reading my stories. It helps me with my horrible, horrible writer's block.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everybody! Thanks for the reviews-- they mean a lot. Five in one day?! That's a record for me.

So, here's your chapter two. I've had my friend maddikinz940 on my back, telling me to update. Good news is, I have chapter four finished, and chapter five is almost finished.

Again, this isn't meant to offend anyone. I also do not own The Office, because if I did, I'd make the stupid Writer's strike end! And, of course, I'd make Dwight wear those elf ears permanently.

_

* * *

_

_(SCENE: Conference room. PHYLLIS and MEREDITH hang green and red streamers while PAM puts a few more ornaments on a Christmas tree in the back corner. ANGELA is arranging the array of Christmas cookies and fruit punch.)_

MICHAEL: _(Running into the conference room with two bottles of vodka held over his head. DWIGHT is following with another bottle and a few martini glasses.)_ Woohoo! Christmas time, baby!

DWIGHT: _(Pumping free hand, excited) _Yes!

MICHAEL: Nothing says Christmas like free booze and hot babes. Or, hot babe.

_(PAM looks uncomfortable as MICHAEL'S gaze finds her. MICHAEL slams the bottles down on the table, causing ANGELA'S carefully arranged cookie pyramid to collapse. ANGELA looks about ready to murder him.)_

ANGELA: _(With as much control as she can muster)_ Michael, I don't think we're allowed to have alcohol served here.

PHYLLIS: _(Piping up)_ Did you clear this with Toby?

MEREDITH:_ (Lunging forward, grabbing the vodka)_ Shut up, both of you.

MICHAEL: _(Annoyed)_ No, Phyllis, I didn't clear it with Toby, because Toby is the exact opposite of Christmas. Christmas is fun and happy and full of love. Toby is… Toby is un-fun and unhappy and un-full of love.

_(TOBY, who has arrived to hear MICHAEL'S statement, sighs.)_

TOBY: _(Deadpan)_ Michael, can I speak to you in your office, please?

MICHAEL: _(Annoyed)_ No, Toby. Go away. Bring your un-fun-ness somewhere else.

TOBY:_ (Half-heartedly) _It's… it's kind of important.

MICHAEL: Uhg. Fine.

_(CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE. MICHAEL is seated at his desk, DWIGHT at his side. TOBY stands awkwardly by the door. MICHAEL is still wearing a Santa hat and DWIGHT is proudly sporting elf ears.)_

TOBY: I got a call from corporate. Ryan heard your outgoing message, and he says your party doesn't conform to the company's religious acceptance policy. I have to ask you to change the outgoing message and take down the Christmas tree, along with anything pertaining to Christmas.

MICHAEL: What the hell, Toby? Why the hell would you do this?

TOBY: _(Quietly) _I—

DWIGHT: _(Interrupting. He sees no reason to wait until TOBY finishes speaking) _Question: What if we kept the tree and brought in a menorah and a Kwanzaa kinara and replaced the word Christmas with Holiday?

TOBY: _(A bit surprised.)_ Yeah, actually, that could work.

MICHAEL: _(Waving his hand, as if to dismiss the thought)_ No, no, that's a stupid idea. God, I'll just announce that Christmas is cancelled because Toby is an asshole.

TOBY: Michael—

MICHAEL: No, no. No. _(Gets out of his chair and exits his office. DWIGHT and TOBY follow. It is clear TOBY does not want to be there, but DWIGHT follows with the blinded determination of an unnaturally loyal dog.)_

Attention! Attention everyone! I have an announcement! _(THE EMPLOYEES look up, all with bored expressions.)_ It seems here that Toby has decided to cancel Christmas. _(A beat as Michael waits for THE EMPLOYEES to react in horror. When they don't, he continues.)_ So, I guess the party is cancelled, and you all can keep the gifts you got for Secret Santa. Thank Toby. Thank Toby for everything.

JIM: (With fake sincerity) Thanks, Toby.

_(MICHAEL rushes back into his office with DWIGHT behind him and slams the door, leaving TOBY standing there awkwardly. Most of THE EMPLOYEES turn back to their work, but some curious faces linger. TOBY, feeling obligated, continues) _

TOBY: _(Quietly and awkwardly) _I'm really sorry everybody, but the new company policy bans any parties or celebrations pertaining to one holiday over another.

DWIGHT: _(Bangs on glass with is face pressed to the window)_ Christmas killer!

_(CUT TO TH KEVIN)_

KEVIN: I'm really happy we get to keep our Christmas gifts. I got Meredith beer. Lots of beer. _(Smiles.)_

_(CUT TO TH ANGELA.)_

ANGELA: _(Upset with a CD in her hands. She flails it around as she speaks)_ This is horrible. What am I supposed to do with a White Stripes CD? The album is called 'Icky Thump'. I don't even know what that means!

_(CUT TO TH KELLY.)_

KELLY: Oh my God, this is so great! I got Phyllis this little make-up kit, but like, I guess I sort of knew somehow it would end up for me, because it matches my skin tone perfectly. Seriously, perfectly. If I wasn't so totally happy with Darryl, I'd go out to some clubs and wear it and get some guys.

_(SCENE: MICHAEL'S OFFICE. MICHAEL is sitting in his chair with RYAN on the phone.)_

MICHAEL: Can I fire Toby?

RYAN (VO from phone): _(Tired already)_ No, Michael.

MICHAEL: He cancelled Christmas!

RYAN (VO): _(Matter-of-factly)_ He didn't cancel Christmas. He reminded you of company policy. You're the one canceling your party. If you just called it a Holiday Party, everything would be fine.

MICHAEL: I don't see the point in re-naming it. We're still gonna have fun and get drunk.

RYAN (VO): Why would you get drunk? Wait, Michael, are you going to be serving alcohol at this party?

MICHAEL: _(He pauses.)_ Just a little.

RYAN (VO):_ (Firm)_ No, Michael. No, you are not allowed to serve alcohol at any office function.

MICHAEL: _(Trying to be persuasive, but failing miserably)_ Come on, don't you remember your Christmases her at Scranton? You need a little booze to get the party hopping!

RYAN (VO): _(Still firm)_ No, Michael, you are not serving alcohol at this party. Are we clear on this? _(MICHAEL says nothing.)_ Michael?

MICHAEL: Yes, yes, okay. Okay. _(MICHAEL looks at the camera and shakes his head 'no', signalizing he will serve alcohol at the party, anyway.)_

RYAN (VO): Good. _(Tries to be understanding, like a mother to a toddler)_ Now, Michael, I understand you may be a bit frustrated, but we're trying to show more religious tolerance at Dunder-Mifflin.

MICHAEL: I'm tolerant. I just don't see the—

RYAN (VO): _(Firm and a bit angry. He obviously thinks he has better things to do)_ Michael, this is over. You can either call it a holiday party or cancel it. And no alcohol. Okay?

MICHAEL: Yeah, yeah, fine. Yessir! _(Salutes as if RYAN could see.)_

_(CUT TO TALKING HEAD RYAN. RYAN is seated in his New York City office.)_

RYAN: Talking to Michael is like talking to a two-year old. You know they don't understand a word you're saying, but you keep talking anyway, hoping that maybe it might sink it. But it never does. _(He sighs, and continues wistfully)_ It never does.

_(MICHAEL exits his office.) _

MICHAEL: Attention, everyone, I'm going to hold a meeting in the conference room. Ten minutes everyone, and bring your acceptance hats.

JIM: _(to PAM) _Acceptance hats?

PAM: _(hands JIM a visor with the word 'Acceptance' printed on them with a heart. She is trying very hard not to laugh)_

JIM: _(Surprised)_ Wow. I had no idea.

PAM: I spent my whole morning making these.

JIM: _(He pauses)_ I am so glad I don't have your job.

_(CUT TO TH JIM.)_

JIM: What am I doing for Christmas? Well, lemme see… Uh, eggnog. Lots of eggnog. Presents, of course. _(Chuckles)_ No, but, seriously, I think I'm going to go see my parents in Maryland. Should be sort of fun. 

_(SCENE: OFFICE. JIM is working, with his visor securely on his head. He watches as PAM throws her hair into a ponytail and slips on the visor. PAM notices him watching her.)_

PAM:_ (Curious)_ What?

JIM: Hmm? Oh, nothing. _(He turns back to his computer)_

PAM: Oh. Okay.

_(CUT TO TALKING HEAD PAM.)_

PAM: This Christmas, I think I'm going to go visit my sister down south. Last night, Jim finally agreed to come. (_Beat as she listens to the cameraman tell her about JIM'S talking head. She is shocked, but tries to cover it up.)_ Oh. Uh, well, I guess we should talk. It's fine though, really. _(PAM is visibly upset, but smiles for the camera.)_

_(COMMERCIAL BREAK.)_

* * *

There we go!

Up Next: Oprah, Michael being an ass, and Hindus that celebrate Hanukkah!


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the wait, everyone. I couldn't find the time! But now I'm home sick, so I decided to update.

* * *

_(SCENE: CONFERENCE ROOM. THE EMPLOYEES sit around the conference table, MICHAEL at the head. All wear their acceptance hats except STANLEY, and MICHAEL has his hat to the side. Behind MICHAEL is a picture of a white, middle-class family hanging ornaments on a Christmas tree, but the mother's head is replaced with a picture of Oprah's head, the father's head is a picture of Bobby Lee from MADtv, and the little girl's head is a picture of Eva Mendez's head. There is another picture in the background of an African-American family celebrating Kwanzaa, and a family clustered around a menorah.)_

MICHAEL: So, I called you all in here today to talk about acceptance. As you all know, Toby has cancelled our Christmas activities—

DWIGHT: _(muttering)_ Christmas killer.

MICHAEL: --because he says it isn't tolerant of other religions. I say that is bull. Kelly, you're Hindu, right?

KELLY: Uh, yeah.

MICHAEL: So you celebrate Hanukkah.

KELLY: _(Slightly unsure)_ Uh, no.

MICHAEL: So, you celebrate Ramadan.

PAM: _(Piping up with the new certainty of Fancy New Beesly)_ Actually, Michael, Islamic people celebrate Ramadan.

DWIGHT: I thought they celebrated Kwanzaa.

PAM: _(shaking head, exasperated)_ No, Dwight…

MICHAEL: No, no. God, Dwight. No, Stanley, you celebrate Kwanzaa.

STANLEY: And what makes you think I celebrate Kwanzaa?

MICHAEL: It's a holiday for your people.

STANLEY: And who are my people Michael?

MICHAEL: _(Not wanting to sound racist, he pauses, trying to dig himself out of his hole)_ We. We are your people, Stanley. And that's the exact point I'm trying to make. We, as a people, as an office, need to be more tolerant of each other. Like… Pam!

PAM: _(looking up, slightly shocked) _Me?

MICHAEL: Didn't I give you two choices for our outgoing message? What were they?

PAM: _(getting embarrassed.) _Holiday Ho-Down and Christmas Balooza-fest.

MICHAEL: And which one did you choose?

PAM: _(Looks to JIM, who takes that moment to look away. She awkwardly stares at MICHAEL.)_

MICHAEL: Come on, which one? _(MICHAEL tries to lift her awkwardness with a smile, but to no avail. THE EMPLOYEES all look uncomfortable.)_

PAM: Christmas Balooza-fest.

MICHAEL: (_Claps once)_ Exactly! See, if you had picked Holiday Ho-Down, this whole thing could have been avoided!_ (PAM slumps in her chair, embarrassed.)_

JIM: So, uh, Michael, what do we have planned for today? _(He's trying to take attention away from PAM)_

MICHAEL: Well, you see, uh…

STANLEY: You don't have anything planned today, do you?

_(CUT TO: TH STANLEY)_

STANLEY: Can't say I'm too surprised. When has Michael ever thought of anything before he acts? At least I can go home early and spend the holidays with people I actually like.

_(CUT BACK TO: CONFERENCE ROOM)_

MICHAEL: Well, I did have something planned before stupid Toby went and ratted on us to Ryan. _(As he talks, MICHAEL gets closer and closer to tears)_ We were going to have a party with booze, Secret Santa… Jan's cooking… _(MICHAEL covers his face with his hands. DWIGHT places his hand on MICHAEL'S shoulder.)_

DWIGHT: It's okay…

MICHAEL: _(through hands) _Don't touch me.

_(CUT TO: BALCONY. The CAMERAMAN is creeping through the balcony, and then looks down at the parking lot. PAM and JIM are arguing by the car. Their voices can be heard, but not as clearly as normal.)_

PAM: (_with hands on her hips.)_ Why didn't you just tell me you didn't want to go? Instead of telling the cameramen, you could've told your girlfriend.

JIM: (_getting defensive)_ I did tell you.

PAM: But I thought we had agreed. Christmas with my sister, New Year's with your parents.

JIM: I don't even like your sister that much! I know she doesn't like me.

PAM: She likes you, Jim; you just never talk to her!

JIM: I talk enough!

PAM: Yeah, sure, like how you defended me in the conference room? Why would you just stand by? _(JIM puts his hands in his pockets and studies the floor.) _You don't know how embarrassing that is. What the hell?!

JIM: I'm sorry, Pam, but—

PAM: No. No more excuses, Roy.

JIM: _(Pauses. PAM covers her mouth, shocked by her slip of tongue. JIM gets louder as he talks.)_ Roy? Did you just call me Roy? Is that who you wish I was? Roy? Would you rather me get drunk and work in the warehouse?

PAM: No! Jim…

JIM: _(Very hurt and quieter)_ Do you miss him? Would you rather be with him?

PAM: _(Surprised and hurt)_ Where is this coming from, Jim?

JIM: Do you regret leaving him? Do you still see your house with a terrace and his kids running around?

PAM: _(close to tears) _Jim… No…

JIM: _(A bit louder, but not too loud. He's very hurt and upset with Pam.)_Would you rather go to his apartment every night? Would you rather have sex with him?

_(PAM runs the other way, her hands wiping tears. JIM stands by the cars, struggling over running after her or going the other way. He is mad at himself for hurting her, but he still is mad. He turns and walks back into the building, and the camera follows until he goes through the doors.)_

_(COMMERCIAL BREAK)_

* * *

Sorry it's short, but I really didn't want to make the fight too horrible.

Coming up: Red and green jellybeans, armadillos, and hugs!


	4. Chapter 4

Goooood morning Krusty Krew! I've updated, as you can see, and it is now time for me to eat pudding, to my homework, and sleep. This could've been longer, but once I wrote the ending, my brain decided to stop functioning. Sorry everyone. But, I am proud. My last few stories have all stopped at chapter three. I made it! Here's chapter four.

* * *

_(SCENE: OFFICE. THE EMPLOYEES all work diligently, save PAM and JIM. PAM'S eyes dart over to JIM, then back at her computer. JIM does the same as soon as PAM is looking away.)_

_(CUT TO: TH PHYLLIS)_

PHYLLIS: Pam and Jim have been so quiet lately… I wonder if they're okay…

_(CUT TO: TH DWIGHT)_

DWIGHT: Do I care about Jim and Pam's relationship? No. They were bound to mate anyway. Besides, their spawn will pale in comparison to my own children. Shrute children are always very advanced. Not in academics, but it things that count, such as square dancing and beet measuring.

_(CUT TO: TH CREED)_

CREED: Wait, the receptionist and Jim are dating? _(Shocked, he takes a moment to recover.)_

_(CUT TO: MICHAEL'S OFFICE. JIM stands at the desk, while MICHAEL sits at his computer.)_

JIM: So if there is any sales calls you need today, I'd be more than happy to…

MICHAEL: _(interrupting)_ Jim, which ringtone should I download?

JIM: _(Taken off guard) _Hmm? Uh, what?

MICHAEL: _(clicks his mouse. A polyphonic version of 'Jingle Bells' plays.)_ Or… _(He clicks again, and a polyphonic version of 'Santa Clause is Coming to Town' plays. JIM lifts an eyebrow at the camera.)_ And finally… _(MICHAEL clicks again, and a polyphonic version of 'Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel' plays.)_

JIM: Let's see… how much are they?

MICHAEL: That's the cool thing. They're free if I pay twenty bucks for shipping and handling.

JIM: _(Slowly, as if to clarify)_ Shipping and handling… to your phone?

_(CUT TO: TH MICHAEL)_

MICHAEL: That's the great thing about the internet. I got all these ringtones, such as 'Soulja Boy' and 'Macarena' and 'Beethoven's Fourth'. Those movies are so funny.

_(CUT BACK TO: MICHAEL'S OFFICE.)_

JIM: I think the last one is catchy. Play it one more time? _(MICHAEL clicks, and 'Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel' plays again.)_ What song is it?

MICHAEL: Some Jewish Christmas song.

JIM: Ahh. I see. But, uh, again, if you need anyone to go on any sales calls, I'd be more than happy to.

MICHAEL: Why thank you Jim, but that won't be necessary. I've taken the liberty to send Toby on those calls.

JIM: _(Slightly confused)_ But… Toby's not in sales…

_(CUT TO: TH TOBY)_

_(TOBY is at an ice skating rink.)_

TOBY: I think Michael meant to punish me… _(TOBY shrugs and smiles, then skates off. He skates over to SASHA, his daughter, and twirls her around. She giggles.)_

_(CUT TO: CONFERENCE ROOM. It's empty, save MEREDITH. Slowly, she approaches the decorated table. She throws a glance over her shoulder, then grabs a bottle of vodka and drops in down her shirt, hiding it. She then leaves.)_

_(COMMERCIAL BREAK)_

* * *

Hope you all like it. I decided to leave out most of the angst just because I was so cruel to you fluff-lovers last chapter. And, yes, I know I promised you armadillos and hugs last chapter, but I decided to go a different direction. Sorry if you were really, really, really hoping for armadillos. 


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, please, please don't murder me or throw objects at me. I had abandoned this story, which I'm sorry I did. But this kept bugging me, so I had to finish it, even though it's now FEBRUARY. Heh heh…

* * *

_(SCENE: CONFERENCE ROOM. The Holiday Party has started, and people are mingling in the conference room. KELLY and DARRYL are drinking margaritas and chatting, PHYLLIS and BOB VANCE are visiting with KEVIN, and DWIGHT is watching ANDY and ANGELA with an evil glare. He notices the cameras and turns quickly. JIM and PAM are on opposite sides of the room, talking to other people. PAM looks over MEREDITH'S shoulder to glance at JIM then looks down. A moment later JIM looks over TOBY'S shoulder to look at PAM, then looks down.)_

MICHAEL: _(bounding up onto a small stage at the front of the room, he looks flushed, either from drink or joy, the viewer can't be sure)_ Okay you party animals! It's time for what you've all been waiting for… No, not the booze, or Jan's great cooking, _(ANGELA looks upset at the mention of JAN'S cooking)_ or even the Santa hats you all are wearing, which, by the way, will cost each of you five dollars and fifty cents because I couldn't fit it in the budget. _(There's a collective groan as some people dig out their wallets) _No, now it's time I bring in my special guest… Rabbi Goldstein!

_(A middle-aged man enters, a kind smile on his face. He has on a suit and a yamaka and walks up to stand by MICHAEL.)_

MICHAEL: Rabbi Goldstein, we all here want to thank you for coming out to talk to us. Now, as some of us here celebrate the birth of… er… _(MICHAEL doesn't want to offend GOLDSTEIN by saying Jesus' name)_ He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named…

DWIGHT: _(from the back)_ You mean Voldemort?

MICHAEL: _(irritated)_ No you idiot, not Voldemort. _(MICHAEL'S face turns serious as he continues on) _Rabbi Goldstein, you come across a lot of prejudice don't you, especially around this time of year?

GOLDSTEIN: Um, no, not really.

MICHAEL: Isn't it hard to watch your enemies celebrate the birth of their fake God?

GOLDSTEIN: _(getting uncomfortable) _Er, Mr. Scott, I'm Jewish, but that doesn't mean I hate people who believe Jesus was the Son of God. They're not my enemies…

MICHAEL: _(continuing on, oblivious to the state of discomfort the room seems to be taking on) _But didn't your people kill Jesus?

GOLDSTEIN: _(overwhelmed by MICHAEL'S persistence)_ No, er…

JIM: _(from back of the room)_ Hey, uh, Michael… how about some karaoke? _(The EMPLOYEES all agree and JIM and DARRYL begin setting up the karaoke machine. GOLDSTEIN sprints out of the conference room.)_

_(CUT TO: TH GOLDSTEIN)_

GOLDSTEIN: _(getting into his car)_ I don't know what the hell just happened, or why I even came. That Michael guy came up to me in the grocery store and invited me to speak. I'm getting out of here and you can expect to get a call from my lawyers. _(RABBI GOLDSTEIN speeds out of the parking lot)_

_(CUT TO: CONFERENCE ROOM. ANDY is singing 'I Got You Babe' by Sonny and Cher while looking meaningfully at ANGELA, who looks embarrassed.)_

ANDY: _(in a deep voice)_ I got you to kiss goodnight, _(in a high falsetto_) I got you to make things right…

_(CUT TO: TH ANDY)_

ANDY: _(cocky) _Yeah, I was kinda a legend back at Cornell. I was called the 'Karaoke King'. My specialty was Sonny and Cher songs. I had a partner, Melissa, but she just didn't get me or the true meaning of the songs. So I started singing both parts. I even got a review in the Cornell Gazette. It said, "Andy Bernard is dot-dot-dot talented." It's totally awesome that our karaoke machine broke and the only song it can play is 'I Got You Babe'.

_(CUT TO: KITCHEN. PAM is warming up something in the microwave, and JIM comes in, obviously feeling awkward.)_

JIM: _(uncertain)_ Uh, hey.

PAM: _(coolly)_ Hi.

JIM: So, uh, that Michael thing… I don't think I'll ever be able to watch the History Channel the same way again… _(JIM tries chuckling, but it doesn't lighten the mood. Suddenly, the microwave beeps and PAM grabs her mug of hot cocoa and leaves JIM feeling stupid. He kicks the wall with his toe, and then exits.)_

_(CUT TO: CONFERENCE ROOM. ANDY is still singing 'I've Got You Babe' but his eyes are closed, and he doesn't see ANGELA leave. DWIGHT, however, does, and follows her into the main office.)_

DWIGHT: Hey, monkey…

ANGELA: _(curtly)_ I told you not to ever call me that, Dwight.

DWIGHT: I know. I'm sorry. It's just…

ANGELA: What, Dwight? What now?

DWIGHT: I miss you, monkey. _(ANGELA looks annoyed)_ I want to provide for you, plant my seed in you, teach our children how to properly weigh beets, fight duels for your honor, and make pancakes for you after a nice, hot session of—

ANGELA: _(cutting him off)_ Dwight!

DWIGHT: Sorry. But, Angela, Andy is… And I'm… And Andy is… And… For heaven's sake Angela, the man is singing sixties love songs to you! I'd play my antique lute to lull you to sleep if we were still together. I'd bring you flowers from my garden. I'd make you a rocking chair. I'd do the thing with the ice and the straw you love so much. I'd promise to never freeze your cat again.

ANGELA: _(There's a silence. ANGELA'S eyes start to fill with tears.)_ Oh, Dwight! _(She runs to him, and they begin to kiss passionately. JIM walks in on them from the kitchen, looks at them blankly, then walks back into the kitchen. He walks back out as to make sure he's not hallucinating. When he realizes he is actually seeing DWIGHT and ANGELA go at it like wolves, he runs back into the kitchen, and sounds of him throwing up can be heard.)_

_(CUT TO: TH JIM)_

JIM: _(Totally sincere)_ This has been, with out a doubt, the worst day of my life. Besides, well, you know…

_(CUT TO: CONFERENCE ROOM. DARRYL and KELLY are doing a poor job of singing 'I Got You Babe', although KELLY seems really into it.)_

DARRYL: _(fumbling to read the words)_ I got you to, uh, hide my fans?

ANDY: _(frustrated, yelling)_ Oh, come on!

_(Camera pans to PAM, who's talking to MICHAEL quickly.)_

PAM: I really don't feel well, and I'm sorry. I think I'll head home. This has been a great party.

MICHAEL: That time of the month huh? _(PAM looks a bit uncomfortable)_ Well, feel better Pam.

PAM: Thanks. _(She crosses the room, grabs her purse and coat, and heads out. JIM watches her leave with sad eyes. Camera pans to ANDY, who's looking around, trying to find ANGELA.)_

ANDY: Hey, Tuna, have you seen my lady?

JIM: _(distracted)_ Huh?

ANDY: Angela? Have you seen Angela?

JIM: _(still not paying attention) _Uh, no. Excuse me. _(He runs out of the conference room, leaving ANDY standing there, confused. Then DWIGHT and ANGELA enter, their faces flushed. ANGELA has her blouse on inside out and DWIGHT'S tie is loosened and his shirt un-tucked. KELLY looks between the two of them, confused, then understands and looks about ready to through up.)_

_(CUT TO: PAM'S HOUSE. PAM'S Yaris is in her driveway and we see JIM pull up. He gets out of the car and runs to the door, not bothering to knock. He lets himself in. The camera zooms in on PAM'S bedroom window, where we see her brushing her hair. JIM bursts into the room, and PAM jumps up in surprise. We can faintly hear JIM talking.)_

JIM: _(Quickly, without pausing, as if he needed to say it and was worried he never could)_ Pam, I'm sorry. For everything. Of course you don't want to be with Roy. I'm still paranoid, Pam. I love you so much and I don't want anything to come between us. I got… scared. I'm sorry I didn't defend you. I can't even remember why I didn't. I know sometimes I can be immature and annoying and quiet and lonely and I'm sorry. I love you Pam, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I love you. I've loved you since… God, since the first day I met you and… And… _(JIM'S voice breaks and he does his best not to cry out. PAM'S eyes are watering, and she runs up and kisses him. The two of them fall onto PAM'S bed.)_

_(COMMERCIAL BREAK)_

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I hope that was acceptable... I apologize for the long wait! Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, alerted, or faved this story. One more chapter, which is very short, like the endings they sometimes have.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey! Oh my God, I almost let this fic die, but... I was SO CLOSE to being done!

So here it is, the final chapter! Please review. Make me forgive myself for putting off ending this for... two months.

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_(SCENE: Kitchen. ANGELA is buying a bag of chips from a vending machine. As she types in the number code, ANDY comes in and stands behind her, trying his best to touch his groin to her backside and not be noticed.)_

ANDY: Hey Angela-Bangela. What're you doing later?

ANGELA: _(With no emotion)_ We're over._ (She moves sideways, and ANDY falls into the vending machine, catching himself before he hits his head. He looks shocked as ANGELA grabs her chips and leaves, completely unfazed.)_

_(CREDITS)_

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Thank you SO MUCH to all of my reviewers and readers. You really keep me going!


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